what if what if then who or who

i got a visit from the sonoma county sheriffs a few weeks ago its was about my father. he passed away in jan over in mexico, he was shot and found on a dirt road. i didnt grow up with him in my life he left when i was 6 and even now untill it is confired that the body is in fact his he remains on americas most wanted. i have mixed feelings about the situation before i would get angery when they would come and harass me about him it felt like salt on a cut it was a constint reminder that my father was a crimial who abandoned me and who chose the gang life over the family life and i spent my life trying to put all that behind me i didnt want to be known as the girl with a famson thung dad its not something i am proud of and i sure dont want it to get points of coolnest and i didnt want him to get caught and be put in jail for the rest of his life i loved my dad and i missed him every day that he wasnt here but i wanted the next best thing for him whitch was for him to live out his life safe and free. being that i am the black sheep of the family and i dont interact with any of them much to my supprize the sheriffs are my only option to be able to get a comformation and be able to put him to rest in my heart i didnt get to have him in my life i didnt get to say good bye i hope that i can get this last bit and and be able to know in my heart that he is for sure in peace. i often wonder how my life would have been if things were to have gone different if he was here if grandma lily was still alive i wonder how and who i would be what would i be doing right now would i be out on my own would i have finished school would i be a mafia princess would i have kids would i be with a fellow mafia member would my mom and dad be together woud he even be a mafia hiter or would he have some 9 to 5 job would we all live together what kind of a house would we have what kind of car would we have a family night i can get lost up in my head thinking about all the different roads that my life would have and could have taken but then i have to pull myself back to the present time and focus on the here and now im 29 today and though i dont have as much time as i would have if i had been on top of my stuff and stayed in school blah blah blah i have time and i am going to use it to do something im going to use it to be something im going to do it for grandma and dad and my kids and im going to do it for me

sorry its great but its just not good enough… and we all know it could and should be so much better

when you look online and at the animals that are in the animals shelters you dont see and maybe have never even thought about the ones who never make it to those pages just how many dont even make it to the dorm but are held down and horribley murddered by the staff that are JUST DOING THIR JOB well i am sorry if what i am about to say insults you but only that you may feel that ways not why you may feel that why because the truth when using COMMON SENCE is that those are the very words of a narrsisses and there is no way that a human with the ability to act out of love could comit such a horrible act it does not add up to take a life without a shadow of a doubt and not lose a wink of sleep is EVIL its WRONG ands it NEEDS TO STOP!!!!!! we need to stop acting and thinking that animals are any less of a worth or that we have the right to harm they in any way like we have the right to not put forth our best and most high positive energy into doing all we can and all they will allow us to do. as humans we have skills and abilities and gifts that can at times serve a good purpose to animals and somethings not but they are another creation of the creator just like you and me and him and her and they and all no man has the power to create life with nothing more then a spoken word and no mans spoken word should be treated as if it were to have any power. thousands of innocent lives are lost evey mounth and we need to end that we need to stop thinking of the animals adoption as a money opportunity its a duty to protect them and be a voice for them, we need to stop allowing them to be killed there needs to be more foster homes or a idea that has come to light is all the empty lots of land that are not being used for anthing and some have not been used for many years they should be used to house homeless people and arange a systume that homeless to camp at the lot free of harassment while they are put in charge of a a number of animals who they will care for and prepare them to enter the world and hopefully a new home but untill the right home in the right time comes along they are safe from harm abuse deression and murder

**RANDOM.RADIO***

YAY! im am so excited i officilially created my podcast! dude i like so didnt even know wtf a podcast was untill recently when i found this app that pays you to listen to podcast. and even thought im only going to be turning 29 in a about 2 weeks i LOVE talk shows i love 1350 am like to learn different points and opions about things and with having autisim i dont have a whole lot of new or any outside interaction really. and also its just that i am unable to express myself comfortablly its not that upstairs is empty TRUST me there is a whole lot of things swiming aroundin my head in fact if you ask me in my opion there is way too much going on inside of my head. ok ok ok like for one im addhd have bad depression ( but i mean dont we all ) with a splash of cptsd crippled with attachment disorders AND AND…… i a freaking gemini ! and i am healing addict. so y..ea..h lol hi im tina nice to meet you!

……what was i thinking about? ……OH ya ah um ah mmm PODCAST so i stumbled accross podcasts and i am so in love it the whole thing its so freaking maade for me and i had this aha moment like dude i can freaking get on with my fucking life goals its about fiucking time! there is so much that i want to do an i spent a good amount of my life just fucking off and i kick myelf in the ass every day for it but im 28 almost 29 and my addition has done some heavy damage on my body inside im like all about positive energy and thinking so im wont watse time on putting any neg energy out about this no one knows when their going to die and doctoers bless there souls LOVE YA INDIAN HEAL ( DOC STEEL) but no one not even the best doctor are any match for the creator and when spirit calls any one of us home nothing can over ride that. but anyways i am here and alive today right now right here writing this post and thats about as much as i know im just trying to paint as i go and see what i come up with i have this podcast that is about as random as i am so if you happen to find you self banging your head on the wall one day go take a look and hopefully get a good laugh if nothing else .

i am also working hard on my writing i want to publish a book about my life as i see it i want to upgrade and expand my open home meaning as of now i am just some girly animal love who is weak with it comes to aninals and i take in any and all strays who need love i want to open a long term foster home and end the killing of pet at the shelthers and i want to be a human activist so that i can sand up for the people who are igonored violated by the law enforcement that suposed to be serving and protecting the people of the us but who choose to abuse their power there are so many important topics that i want to be apart of i want to make a difference and i want to play a role in making our country the america that is is thought to be. so those are the type of things that will be talked about in the podcast and really anything and everything else that is relevent to every day life on a personal levels we also welcome listeners and readers to join in we want to hear from people like you and get to know one another so that WE THE PEOPLE OF THE USA can bond and band together as whle and take back what is ours from the ones who using us to destory us.